Jon Gosselin, Tiger Woods and Michael Lohan

Jon Gosselin and Michael Lohan hanging out with Tiger Woods on the Golf Course.

Gosselin: Wow that waitress over there has an amazing body!!
Lohan: Can’t argue with you there buddy.
Woods: Hey so you guys ready to golf?
Lohan: Yea Tiger!.......So Jon how’d you manage to get us an hour of Tiger Wood’s time here on the golf course?
Gosselin: Well when you are a big reality TV star that’s the perks you get…….
Woods: I guess the network felt bad about what happened when you hung out with Bosh and Shaq last time so they wanted to make it up to you.
Lohan: What?! Oh when you slipped and fell into the bar stool and got that nasty black eye?
Gosselin: Yea that’s right.
Woods: More like slipped and fell into a knuckle sandwich from Shaq.
Lohan: What?! Is this true?
Gosselin: Ah……..eh…….let’s do some golfing shall we?
Lohan: No way!! So it was Shaq who did that!!......Why didn’t you tell me, I would’ve……
Woods: You would’ve done what?
Lohan: Well, I would’ve defended my buddy here.
Woods: No offense what are YOU going to do against Shaq?
Lohan: Look Tiger, I know you’re in a bad mood because of what happened at the PGA Championship........ Which also was the last major of the year, but why don’t you……..
Gosselin: Hey guys guys…….Let’s just do some golfing now shall we.
Woods: Why would I be in a bad mood, I finished 2nd?!
Lohan: Well you finished second to the 150th ranked player in the world………
Woods: He was ranked 110th in the world. What’s your point?
Lohan: That means that you’re not even as good as the 110th player in the world.
Gosselin: Guys guys……..We’re here to golf not to argue.
Lohan: Oh me and Tiger weren’t arguing we were just have a loud discussion about matters that we don’t see eye to eye on.
Woods: Sure if you say so.
Gosselin: Alright so who’s first up? Why don’t you show us how it’s done Tiger?
Woods: Alright boys.

Whack!!

Gosselin: Wow that was great shot Tiger!! How far did you drive that?
Woods: Thanks man……That went about 320 yards!!
Lohan: If only…….
Woods: You were gonna say something Michael?
Lohan: Nah never mind.
Gosselin: Whoa look over there who’s that hot blondie?!
Lohan: Maybe she’s a fan of your show Jon, wave her over here!!
Woods: Guys calm down!! That’s my wife!!
Gosselin: So you think she is a fan of my show!
Woods: Again she’s my wife so lay off!!
Lohan: Oh no we’re not going to hit on your wife but maybe she has a hot cousin or single friends that would like to go out with two Hollywood Stars!
Gosselin: Yea beautiful women love Hollywood Stars!
Woods: Now please tell me who are the Stars that you are referring to?
Lohan: Jon and I of course!!
Woods: The only stars I’ll see on this golf course today is if someone punches me in the face.
Gosselin: Oh so you’re getting cute now eh Tiger?!
Lohan: Yea Tiger maybe if you spent more time working on you’re golf game instead of coming up with funny one liners you’d actually beat the 110th player in the world next time.
Woods: Okay that’s enough, I can’t stand the two of you anymore. I’m going home with my wife.
Lohan: What was his problem?
Gosselin: Ah he’s not cool enough to hang out with the two of us anyways.
Lohan: Hey look that waitress is clocking out from her shift let’s go talk to her.
Gosselin: Look’s like she’s meeting up with one of her girlfriends……….Come on Mike you can be the wing man.
Lohan: No way man this time you’re the wing man!!

Unlikely Trio

John Gosselin hanging out without Chris Bosh and Shaq.

Shaq: So John, I didn’t know that you were a big basketball fan……..

Bosh: Yea, thought you were more of a baseball fan…….So we’re a bit surprised that when your network gave you the chance to hang out with any two professional athletes, you picked us.

Gosselin: Guys are you kidding?!………Everyone knows basketball players get the most babes!

Shaq: Ha ha!

Bosh: So what’s up with your show now?

Gosselin: Oh we are back on the air…..Me and Kate take turns with our 8 kids…….Whoa, look at that hot blonde that just walked in!!

Bosh: Aren’t you engaged with that new girl now?

Gosselin: Dudes, that’s complicated……………….. But as I see it, I’m still a free agent so gotta keep the options open and play the field!!

Shaq: Ha ha, you’re a funny cat!

Gosselin: Guys wait here I’m going to talk to blondie over there.

Bosh: Wow, that guy’s got a bit of game.

Shaq: Yea looks like he’s getting a number……

Bosh: Yo Shaq, lemme ask you something…….. You want to be in my next You Tube Video?

Shaq: Guy, didn’t you play a used car salesman in one of your videos?

Bosh: Yea so?

Shaq: No offence, but I really don’t want to be no corny characters.

Bosh: But wait…….Didn’t you play a Genie in Kazzaam?

Shaq: Eh……Ah…….Well, that was a long time ago..........Besides I’m a big reality TV star now.

Bosh: So Shaq, you’re saying no?

Shaq: Pretty much.

Bosh: Wow, I could’ve asked Lebron or Dwade but I thought as a truce, I’d be nice and ask you but it’s obvious you don’t appreciate this opportunity.

Shaq: What opportunity?.......Look Chris don’t get bent out of shape, I have this big reality series starting up this summer, so I just don’t have time…….

Bosh: This reality series sounds more like it’s going to be a reality flop if you ask me!

Shaq: Man, don’t make me bust out the RuPaul jokes on you again!!

Bosh: Oh yea, then bring it on you 7 foot Genie!!

Gosselin: Dudes, dudes, I got that hot blondes’ phone number - Taking her out on a date this weekend!!……Hey, have you guys been arguing or something?

Bosh: Nah……We just had a bit of a misunderstanding that’s all.

Gosselin: Guys you should hang out with me and my best friend Michael Lohan sometimes. That dude is like my hero…….He’s as cool as Hugh Hefner, if not moreso.

Shaq: Why is that?

Gosselin: That guy gets all the hottest babes!....... Plus, he has been to jail…… So that would definitely make him cooler than Hefner!!

Bosh: Who’s Michael Lohan??

Gosselin: Can’t believe you don’t know who Michael Lohan is Chris!

Shaq: That’s Lindsay Lohan’s Dad……..Both me and her got Punked on the same episode……..Michael was able to beat the crap out of Ashton before I could.

Bosh: Ha ha. Yea, I remember seeing that episode on YouTube.

Gosselin: That’s pretty funny…..Wow, look at that hottie over there at the bar!!Shaq: Whoa, hold on one second there, she’s my cousin.

Gosselin: Her body is smoking hot!! And look at her….....

Shaq: Please don’t talk about anyone in my family like that!!

Gosselin: Because she’s you’re cousin maybe you can introduce us, Shaq?

Shaq: Did you hear what I just said, don’t talk about any of my family members like that!!

Gosselin: Hey, maybe she is a fan of my show! I got to go talk to her!

Shaq: I’m warning you if you go over there…….

Gosselin: I’ll be right back guys.

Shaq: Oh no you don’t

BAM BAM !! POW!!

Bosh: Whoa Shaq!! You just knocked out Jon Gosselin!!

Shaq: Octo-Dad had it coming to him!

Bosh: Ha ha Octo-Dad........Shaq, you come up with the best nicknames..........So what do you want to do until Octo-Dad regains consciousness?

Shaq: Hmm.......... What do I usually like to do to pass the time..........I know!! You want to talk some sh%t about Kobe?

Bosh: Ha ha….. Alright then, you can start first.